Labels: Brew Records
Review by: Graeme Cunningham
“So, see this Kong lot?”
“What, the Dutch Avante Garde act?”
“No, the other one.”
“What, the Swedish sludge metal band?”
“No, the other one.”
“What, the English Albini fans with the masks?”
“Yeah, that’s them.”
“What about them?”
“I’ve got their album here.”
“Oh. Any good?”
“Well, you know how sometimes you hear a band right and it sounds quite good..”
“..Yeah..”
“..but then it turns out, its just cause its a single and it doesn’t last long. So your actually just glad its over quickly.”
“Oh yeah, know that feeling well. Like on its own, the song is just a juicy looking piece of sweet corn…”
“..yeah?”
“yeah, but when you pull back you realise the sweet corn is actually just part of a giant turd.”
“Exactly. If they’d stuck to little seven inch sized chuffs, they could have gotten away with it indefinitely. But they let loose with such a 12”, arse ripping Bronx cheer, that they’ve used up all their gas at once and choked their Canary.
“I expect PETA will be after them for that…”.
“And the rest! There’ll be people streaming out of that building for weeks going ‘JESUS CHRIST KONG! WHAT CRAWLED UP YOUR ARSE AND DIED? Mark my words!'”“