Labels: Wind Up
Review by: Joe Callaghan
This is the single worst album I’ve ever heard from beginning to end. I’ve obviously heard quite a manner of dreadful music, but usually it was ignored or switched off before it could really sink in. On this occasion, I forced all 12 tracks of Beyond The Horizon into my ears. Good grief”¦ The songs aren’t short either. But, when the entire record is a jigsaw consisting of all your least favourite parts of almost every genre imaginable, then how could the songs be short? One minute this guy is sounding a little bit like Robert Johnson singing the delta blues. The next? Some kind of cry-baby Lost Prophets chorus. Downtuned metal chugs. Piano ballad. Acoustic ballad, developing into electronic beats and violins. Regurgitated Deep Purple riffs. A choir of children. Stomping radio rock, then back into some type of Disney Channel manufactured, inbred band of brothers. Not an album, but an anthology of the worst sounds ever recorded. Ever. Really. This is atrocious. Not one single redeeming feature, apart from when track 12 finishes, it stops. The CD having an end is most certainly a positive aspect of this record. So, instead of trying to think of all my favourite synonyms for “Terrible”, I’m going to produce you with my Top 5 Most Embarrassingly Painful PEOPLE IN PLANES lyrics. Enjoy:
In at number 5:
“I’m a virgin and yeah you’re a virgin too”
Number 4:
“Come out of the closet. Lets talk about it.”
Stiff competition for the Number 3 slot:
“You know it hurts like hell. That’s you in a nutshell.”
Photo finish. A hairline behind. Number 2:
“I don’t want to speed date. I don’t want a rebate.”
The Champion:
“When the sun shines out of your ass, I will crawl into the shadows where nobody asks.”
So, People In Planes can only be what appears to me as some kind of elaborate musical practical joke. An artistic equivalent of shaking up someone else’s can of Coke, and grabbing yourself an ideal location to observe the agony. Bravo. Sure, you might see plenty of discomforting, thwarting council-estate Grime on Channel U which, as a stand-alone example, would be far worse than this. Hearing a singular People In Planes song may not offend you completely either, but this record, as a finished article, is beyond foul. A putrid Pick N Mix of all the worst examples of audible expression you can think of, rolled out and presented as one solid, confined effort with a similar flow of a mix-tape made specifically with all your favourite Grind, Orchestral and Spoken Word artists. All the senses are offended, and before you ask, yes, I can taste it, just like I could taste a mouthful of lemons covered in garden soil whilst my head is plunged into the bowl of an un-flushed bus station toilet. This band is certainly not for me.